


Wake Up And Smell the Obvious

by dreamcp



Series: Coworkers Know Best [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fake Marriage, Feelings Realization, Implied Sexual Content, Kono's had enough, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 16:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11993448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamcp/pseuds/dreamcp
Summary: Or, how Kono saves the day for her stupid coworkers.





	Wake Up And Smell the Obvious

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic coming right up! Hopefully I won't be done writing this pair anytime soon ^.^ Thanks for reading!

The only thing Kono wants is some peace. Just a reprieve. Even if it's only a day, she'll take it. She needs to find a way to get back her sanity.

_Her coworkers are so stupid._

“You think I’m such a shit driver, you drive sometime. See how quickly we lose a perp on a chase.”

“I can't ‘drive sometime,’ Steve, because you never let me drive in the first place!”

Kono’s heard this argument a million times for literal years. It's been recurring since the very start of Five-0. But there's a big difference between then and now: then, the tone was serious. Now, every single word is _fond._ It's not even subtle. Danny and Steve have tread the exact same ground so many times that the words barely mean anything anymore. It's like they're arguing just for fun. 

“I drive because I like to drive, Danny, just enjoy it. You don't even have to do any work.”

“No, but I do have to fear for my safety every time you switch on the police lights! You take years off of my life!”

Kono’s got a list. It doesn't include everything, but there's still enough on it to convince even the most stubborn naysayer that these two have something going on. Some entries include:

-arguing like an old married couple

-basically raising Grace together whenever Danny’s got custody

-doing couples therapy

-sending constant looks of adoration when the other isn't looking

-sending constant looks of adoration when the other _is_ looking

-^^ how can they not realize yet please someone end my suffering

“Kono, tell him he’s insane, please. No sane person would drive like that.”

The argument has moved from the main hub to Kono's office, apparently, and Kono isn't pleased. She looks up from her laptop to see Danny standing in her doorway, arms crossed. In the hallway, Steve grins widely.

“Don't pull me into this,” she pleads. “And if you guys haven't solved this argument by _now,_ you probably never will, just saying.”

Danny rolls his eyes, but he closes her office door. Blissful, beautiful silence follows, and Kono sighs.

It last for about five seconds before she hears Danny speak up: “Oh you think this is funny? Well, let me tell you...”

Kono groans and drops her head onto the desk. She doesn't move until Chin walks in, long after the two idiots have retreated into Steve's office.

“Kono, I got the info from the lab… what are you doing?”

Kono lifts her head to see Chin looking down at her with a bemused expression. She jabs her thumb out at the hallway towards the voices of her coworkers.

“They've been at it for an _hour_ now, Chin,” Kono whines. “Danny tried getting me to side with him, have you ever gotten in the middle of one of those arguments? I never thought it was possible to third-wheel in a conversation.”

Chin pats her head sympathetically. “They're going to figure it out. Eventually.” 

“Chin, we’ve been saying that for years! And look where we are!”

“They're… a little slow, admittedly.”

“They're a little _dumb,_ you mean,” Kono mutters. Chin huffs. 

“Maybe they just need… a little push to get them rolling.”

Kono glances over at Steve's office. She sees Steve leaning against his desk, arms crossed and smiling, as Danny gestures wildly in front of him. There's so little distance between them that Danny's almost stepping on Steve's toes.

“I don't know if we can help them, to be honest,” she groans. “If they can do _that_ and not get the message, I don't know how they ever will.”

~~~

“That bad, huh?” Adam laughs as Kono flops face first onto the bed. Kono moans into the comforter. “What'd they do this time?”

“You wanna know what they did this time?” Kono turns her head so she can face Adam. He's laughing at her agony, the traitor. “They flirted over two dead bodies. At a crime scene. And then a suspect dove off a dock and Steve took off his shirt to follow, and you can imagine what happened _there.”_

Kono doesn't have to. She remembers Steve removing his shirt as he ran and throwing it to the ground just before diving in. And once he’d grabbed the guy and dragged him back to the dock, he hoisted himself up and yeah, Kono's in a serious relationship but she can't deny that it was pretty hot.

Her raised eyebrows, however, were _nothing_ compared Danny, who gave Steve the most intense once-over Kono's ever seen in her life. A complete head-to-toes look, with an especially long look at Steve's torso as water ran down him. Kono's jaw actually dropped when she saw how Danny was watching him.

Christ, if Danny were any thirstier he’d be licking the water straight off Steve’s chest.

Adam rubs Kono’s back soothingly and says, “No sign of them making any progress?”

“None.”

“Maybe they just need a nudge, you know?”

Kono props herself up on her forearms. “You know, Chin said the same thing to me a few days ago.” She starts thinking. She'd told Chin it'd be impossible to get the boys to open their eyes, but if she put a little planning and effort into it, maybe…

She sits up, deep in thought now, and hears Adam snort. “You're gonna do it.” It isn't a question.

“Maybe I could get them to realize they've got the hots for each other. I could…” Kono drifts off, thinking hard. Getting them to admit it is the end goal, but she's not sure the boys are at that stage yet. They still need to realize something's there, even if everyone else can already see it…

Well, if everyone else can already see it, why not use _that_ to prove it too them?

Kono's got her plan. Now she just needs the opportunity.

~~~

“This is a horrible, terrible, _awful_ idea and I refuse to believe it's gonna work.”

“Danny,” says Kono in exasperation. She reaches out to straighten his bowtie. “You guys already RSVP’d, it's too late to do anything now.”

“Yeah, no, _you_ already RSVP’d, for Steve and I. There was no outside input there,” Danny argues. Kono has to hide a smile. 

“All you have to do is act like a couple for two hours while you find Morrison. Trust me Danny, they’ll believe it.”

“No, they will not, Steve and I don't act like a ‘couple,’ Kono.”

“You gonna bitch the whole time, Danny? They're definitely not gonna believe it if you keep _saying_ we're not a couple,” Steve pipes up as he walks out of his office holding his tie. 

Danny shoots him a dirty look. “Why are you going along with this?”

Steve scoffs. “I didn't sign off on this either, okay? Kono said that she's tired of always being the one undercover and that it's our turn.”

“It's for a few _hours,_ for god’s sake!” Kono throws up her arms. “It's not like I'm asking you to find a dark corner and get it on!”

(She kind of is. Maybe fucking will finally cut through some of the sexual tension that's so thick around here.)

Both boys start to splutter.

“Kono, what the _fuck—”_

“Woah woah woah! The hell did _that_ come from—”

“Are you two ready to go or not?” she asks shortly. “Chin should be done setting up the van, and the party's in an hour.”

Steve finishes fiddling with his tie. “Alright, alright. Time to go. Danny?”

“They're not gonna buy it,” Danny mutters, side-eying Kono as he starts towards the exit. “Charming strangers is one thing, but acting like you're in love is a whole other ballpark.”

Kono rolls her eyes as she follows the two out. Here we go again.

“Oh come _on,_ Danny. So I hold your hand for a little while, it's not gonna kill you.”

“Steve, there is far more to being a couple than holding hands and smiling. Please tell me you know that, at least. _Please.”_

“You were the one complaining about playing a couple before, _now_ you're worried about us not making it realistic enough?”

“Well excuse me for seeing some flaws in the plan! Couples hug, couples use pet names, couples kiss, couples—”

They're outside at this point, and Kono's mostly tuned them out as she heads toward the van. That last line catches her attention, though, and she turns to see Steve and Danny standing next to the Camaro. Danny looks a little embarrassed, apparently realizing what he just said.

“Well then, hop in the car, _dear,”_ Steve says, sounding smug. “We’ve got someplace to be.”

“Don't ‘dear’ me, Steve, I'm serious, I haven't done undercover with another guy, don't you think we need to figure this out beforehand? ’Cause it'd be weird if you kissed me or something all of a sudden, right?”

Kono watches Steve rub his face tiredly. “It's not gonna be weird for the people at the party, Danny, they think we're together.”

“I meant for _us,_ you dope.”

Streve’s back is to Kono, so she can't see his face. She can see him take a deep breath, though, and she can see Danny’s face go from sour to surprised as Steve steps forward and—

Kono slaps her hand to her mouth to keep from gasping. Oh _shit._

Steve tugs Danny’s tux jacket with one hand while his other grips the back of his neck to angle him into a kiss. Danny's eyes go wide for an instant before they slide shut. 

“Kono, what's— oh.”

Kono doesn't acknowledge Chin emerging from the back of the van. She's too caught up watching her plans come to fruition. 

Danny's hand comes up to lightly rest on Steve's waist. The kiss lasts for a few more seconds before Steve pulls back.

“Not weird anymore, right?” he says, and slips out of Danny's grasp to get into the driver’s seat. Danny just stands there.

“What the _fuck,”_ he whispers. Kono can only just read his lips.

Man, she'd kill to be a fly on the wall in that car during the drive to the party.

~~~

_“How do you no-homo a kiss?!”_

Chin winces. “Too loud, ‘cuz.”

“Sorry,” Kono says. “But I thought that was it! I thought it was over, and then they go and pull that— argh!”

Kono pulls at her hair. The op went well, and Morrison’s in the interrogation room with Steve and Danny, which leaves her with plenty of time to wonder where it all went wrong.

The earpieces weren't activated until they'd reached the house, so Kono had no idea what happened in the car. She had a good feeling, though, that whatever issues they'd had were already solved when they approached the house.

“Ah, Mr. and uh, Mr. Liske, welcome.”

“Thank you,” Steve said warmly. Through the feed from the street camera they’d gained access to, Kono could see him resting a hand on the small of Danny’s back. “We’re honored to be here.”

The doorman smiled at the two. “Well, that's lovely to hear. Please, enjoy your time here, gentlemen.”

“Oh, we will, thank you,” said Danny. Steve turned to the shorter man.

“Shall we then, honey?” he smiled before guiding Danny inside and out of camera range. His hand never left Danny's back.

What followed was an hour and a half of the sappiest behavior Kono's ever heard in her life. Steve called Danny honey, so Danny introduced Steve as “my lovely husband” to everyone they talked to. So, Steve went and got drinks for himself and Danny, so then Danny followed up with— Kono’s pretty sure, anyway— a short kiss. At least, that's what she got from the brief pause in conversation after Danny's “Thanks, sweetheart,” and the faint “aww” she heard through the earpiece afterwards. So on and so on.

“Not convincing, my _ass,”_ Kono muttered.

Morrison finally showed up, and things could finally get underway. Steve and Danny were able to lure him outside and away from the party, where it was finally safe enough to apprehend him without risking collateral.

“Nice job, you two,” Kono said over the comms as they shoved Morrison in the back of the Camaro.

“Thanks Kono. See you back at the Palace.” 

And that was it. Steve took out his earpiece, and Danny must have done the same because Kono didn't hear from him either. Something was up, but she didn't realize how serious it was until she and Chin made it back themselves. 

The second she walked in, she narrowed her eyes. Steve and Danny were both at the computer center in the middle of the room, but they were standing about as far apart as they could be on the same side of the table. 

“...Everything go okay?” Chin asked them as he walked up. Steve's head jolted up, like he didn't hear them coming in until then.

“Yeah, uh, Morrison’s in the interrogation room right now. We're about to head in there.”

Steve jerked his head towards Danny, who’d already started for the doors, and followed him. Kono spoke up just before Danny got all the way out.

“So, was I right or what?”

Both men stopped in their tracks. “Huh?”

Kono smiled. “I told you two, you make a pretty good couple, right?”

Steve turned to meet Kono's eyes for a moment before averting his gaze. “All part of the job, you know?”

He turned and walked (ran) out. Danny was already gone by the time Kono looked. She was left standing in shock next to Chin.

“Unbelievable,” she mumbled. “How do you no-homo a _kiss?!”_

~~~

Steve stops Kono at the door before she leaves for the night. “You planned this.”

Busted.

“Planned what?” she asks, feigning ignorance, but Steve's obviously not buying it.

“You set me and Danny up, why?”

Kono glances around. Danny's finishing up in his office, the door closed. She's got time, but not much of it.

“Look,” she says, placing a hand on one hip. “I wanted to do things more subtly, because I knew you two would freak out and deny it if I told you straight. But here's the thing: believe it or not, you and Danny worked as a fake couple because you already _are_ a couple.”

Steve opens his mouth to argue, but Kono holds up a hand. “I'm not done. I've known you two for _years_ now, I've watched you dance around this for ages. There's no one on the _island_ who would see you two together in public and think you were just two friends on a casual day out. Everything you two do oozes sexual tension. Don't look at me like that, I'll pull out the list if I've got to.”

“There's a _what?”_

“All I'm saying is, there's something there. And I figured if I could get you two to realize it, I could finally come to work without wanting to kill one or both of you for being so frustratingly oblivious.”

Steve is silent, staring down at the floor. Kono worries she might've gone a little far. “Steve?”

She watches Steve glance towards Danny. He holds the gaze for several seconds as Danny circles around his office gathering his things. She pats his shoulder.

“Think about it at least, okay? Go home, it's late,” she tells him. Steve tears his eyes away and nods to her, sending one more look Danny's way before heading out. Kono sighs.

“That was Steve just now, yeah?” Danny's voice says loudly, and Kono jumps. When the hell had he gotten so close?

“Yeah,” she says. “He’s leaving now.”

Danny hums, his eyebrows furrowed. Kono waits for the question she knows is coming.

“He seemed a little off, he okay?”

Bingo.

“I didn't notice. You think something's up with him?” she asks, hoping Danny's not as good as Steve at catching her lie.

“Maybe. I don't know, you know how he is.”

“You'd know better than me,” Kono says. When Danny looks at her curiously, she elaborates. “You spend more time with him, after all. And if something's up with him, he's more likely to share it with you than anyone else. Maybe you should talk to him?”

“He’s gone though, like you said.”

“Steve said he was going home, you’ll catch him there. If you leave now, you'll get there before he heads to sleep.”

Danny thinks it over before he nods. “Better to get it out of him early, he’ll be broody tomorrow if I don't.”

“Good luck,” Kono calls after him. She grins. Finally, some progress might get made. It's all up to the boys now.

~~~

“Morning,” Kono hears Danny say as she's fiddling with the computer the next day.

“Morning,” she replies without looking. “How’d it go last night?”

“Fine, uh, fine. Steve should be up in a few.” 

“Okay,” Kono turns. “Did you guys figure it—”

She stops. Danny gives her a weird look. “What?”

“You're wearing cargo pants.”

Danny looks down at himself. “Shit.”

Kono doesn't even try to hide her shit-eating grin. “Last night went _better_ than fine, I'm guessing.”

Danny points a finger at her. “Do _not_ start with me, Steve told me everything. You're in trouble.”

Kono hears Chin approaching from his office. “Morning, Danny— are you wearing cargo pants?”

“They're Steve’s, I think,” Kono flashes him a smile. 

Chin raises his eyebrows. “Really? Finally, huh?”

Danny groans. “No no no, not you too.”

“Not what?” asks Steve's voice. All three of them turn to see him walking in, and he pauses. “Woah, what's that look for?”

“You could have _told_ me I picked up the wrong clothes,” Danny hisses. Steve looks him up and down.

“Are those my cargo pants?”

“Oh my _god.”_

“We’re both very happy for you,” Kono says, clasping her hands together. “And you are very, very welcome.”

She may have to deal with eyefucking and barely hidden innuendos for the rest of her foreseeable future, but at least they're happy.


End file.
